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Life is Too Short to Eat Bad Easter Candy

I spent much of this past Sunday, on a beautiful 78 degree, sun-kissed day, devouring my fair share of delicious seasonal confections.  As I nibbled and bit into each one of these, it occurred to me that some are, in fact, better than others.  I’m sure that not everyone agrees with me on what makes the best Easter candy, but everyone will agree that there are different levels of deliciousness involved.  Having woken up from my sugar-induced coma, I thought it would be a good idea to settle once and for all what is the best Easter candy.

While the focus of this blog may seem narrow (as many observed Passover last weekend): even 33% of those who don’t celebrate Easter will purchase “Easter” Candy (and so I’m calling it Easter candy out of convenience more than anything)! This 33% is in addition to the whopping 87% of people who celebrate Easter and purchase candy. This is approximately $21 per person and totals up to a whopping $2.6 billion. Finally, some might wonder what this has to do with financial planning, but I would say that of that $2.6 billion, there is a lot of money wasted on poor candy.

There is one key candy that should not make the cut. Since I was a young lad, I would be so excited to find where the Easter Bunny could have possibly hid my basket, but all too often I would find a yellow box taking up half of the space that was reserved for the good stuff.  Much to my horror, there it would be...a box of Peeps. If you have never had the chance to eat Peeps, consider yourself a part of the lucky and blessed. Marshmallow baby birds? Are you kidding me?  On a scale of 1-10 for tastiness, I can’t even rate them because they could never stay in my mouth long enough to register.  Yet, somehow they make 700 MILLION Peeps in all shapes and sizes and colors! Once I was able to make sure that I snuck them into my little sisters Easter basket, it was on to getting rid of the other ones that just don’t make the cut: the little foil wrapped chocolate eggs that melt in your hands as you desperately try to open them without having to tear each microscopic piece of razor-thin aluminum off to get them unwrapped. I am sure that over my lifetime I have consumed several ounces of aluminum from giving up and just eating them because it was so frustrating! 

It is only after you dig around the basket long enough, will you be lucky enough to find the things that make Easter so enjoyable and delicious. These are the candies that make that you have already experienced (and read) worth it: Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs. Seriously. The. Best.

My brother and I fought over them. My children now fight over them. My children’s children will most certainly compete in a UFC bout in order to make sure that they get their fair share.  Whoever came up with the idea of making the original Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup into an Egg deserves a Nobel Prize (though probably not for peace as they have started many intrafamily wars!).  They are a fond childhood memory: I remember seeing them rising above the fake plastic green grass that would be filled with jelly beans (Starburst and Jolly Rancher are the best in the jelly bean family) as well as Malted Robin eggs to whet the taste buds.  


As if one type of egg were not enough, clearly you also HAVE to have a Cadbury Creme Egg (or two) in order to make sure that the holiday candy cravings were met.  Somehow, when I was a kid, at least one of them would have been either bitten into or eaten whole with only a wrapper left. While no one knows for sure the perpetrator, I have a sneaking suspicion it was the Easter Bunny him or herself!  

Finally, rising above all of this sugary delight, is the box that every man, woman and child who loves candy can not wait to see… The Chocolate Easter Bunny. Now I have heard arguments about whether eating the bunny from the ears, the feet or the tail. While I am comfortable discussing controversial topics, this is a morass that I will not wade into. Despite the numerous disagreements about how they should be eaten, no one can argue that the best type of Chocolate Easter Bunny is the solid one- the hollow one always disappoints. I researched the internet, and I found that the numbers are staggering: 100% of the people who have ever received a hollow Chocolate Easter Bunny were disappointed and deprived (Editor’s note: despite repeated requests, Jonathan was unable to provide us with supporting link for his “research”). In fact, there is no possible way that there is enough chocolate in the hollow version to equal just the ears of a solid bunny. I would like to shout out to the Easter Bunny for always bringing this good boy a solid bunny. (During the peak of the 2008 recession however, my children were disappointed that the Easter Bunny was practicing austerity.)

Ultimately, I truly hope that whether you observed Easter, Passover or no holiday at all, last weekend gave you peace and enjoyment that fit the gorgeous weather that we had in Madison.  And that you were able to get your hands on a Cadbury Creme Egg!

P.S. Our good friends and neighbors at Madison Chocolate Company still have some solid chocolate bunnies left! Stop by and visit us if you swing in there. But don’t expect us to share our Reese’s Chocolate Eggs with you.

Jonathon Jordan